I meet the new year with irresolution, without commitment to an idealized version of my life that involves doing (e.g. eating more greens, daily exercise) or being (e.g. more kind, less frantic).
It’s common to think of the new year as a new leaf. A fresh start. A beginning. A blank slate.
But in this sense I am not “ready” for the turn of the calendar.
And it isn’t necessary to meet this turn with resolve.
Because even as January 1 approaches, my life is not a blank white-board. I am in the middle of my life, in the middle of projects. Calendar items are already entered into the summer months: herb lectures to be delivered, week-ends devoted to learning on my healing path, client and medical appointments, anniversaries of losses, a blog publication schedule, dates for grandson Sam’s performances and other family time, Seder and Rosh Hashonah.
Some events have already been rescheduled or scratched.
Some will unfold into insight, revelation, chance meetings, shifts in relationship that will open directions I could never anticipate.
After almost ten years I am moving my office back into my home from a lovely rental space in a holistic center. After eight years, the herbal student clinic format that I have found such a joy is changing form entirely, and I am trying to figure out how to forge a new, perhaps online path with student clinicians. A Life of Practice is only a few months launched – the house is built, and 2016 is a year for engaging people in welcoming and new ways, bound to stretch me in ways I cannot anticipate.
These last few days of 2015, I find myself aware not only of possibilities but also of hesitancies, uncertainties, limitations: irresolution.
This is not a place to try to get out of. I will stay and ask myself, once again, these questions that refresh and open:
How am I being drawn forward in my life as well as shaped or impelled by my past?
Who have I been? Who am I now? Who will I be?
What is the thread I have followed, sometimes consciously, sometimes not?
What do I know that I have not allowed myself to know that I know?
If you are meeting the turn in the year with hesitation, uncertainty, irresolution, smack dab in the middle of your life that is some mix of disconcerting, exciting, uncomfortable, tantalizing; if these questions resonate with you – get in touch and let’s talk about a Collage Session.
Bypass the analytics and the goal-setting for just a bit and engage in intimate conversation with your own complexity and wisdom in surprising and freeing ways.